That's when you crack a 10am beer
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
