you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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