ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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