Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
