if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
