My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
