Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
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Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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