Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
