Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
