We won't sleep together?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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