My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
