just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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