we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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