So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We had sex on a dog bed..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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