The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
