were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
