M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
