Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
