How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She needs sedatives and a leash
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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