So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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