If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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