Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
