Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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