I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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