she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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