cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So many bounce houses so little time
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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