Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
