yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
