I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
