And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
