Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
