Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
