i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
