the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
