hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
