There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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