I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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