direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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