I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
