I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
