Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.

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(314): View more from Missouri

i wish starbucks made bloody marys

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

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(812): View more from Indiana

Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.

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(678): View more from Georgia

just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed

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(258): View more from

I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...

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(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage

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