I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
