remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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