Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
