I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
