office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
