I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
