everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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