opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
