The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
