i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
