i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
