you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
