i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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