it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
