Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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