i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
