Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need a beard to bite.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
