people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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