I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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