My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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