he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
