She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
