She said her name was "party"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
