I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's blow job season.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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