this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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