Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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