You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
