I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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