The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
