is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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