how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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