Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Is it normal to miss your booty call?

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(917): View more from New York City

I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.

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(514): View more from Quebec

So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.

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(817): View more from Texas

What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?

(940): View more from Texas

I worry about you.

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(415): View more from California

If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league

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(239): View more from Florida

Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.

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(425): View more from Washington

VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN

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(805): View more from California

i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts

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