I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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