we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
