Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
