8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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