Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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