I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
