I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
