ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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